Oh God.
Here she comes.
She is going to ask me to help, to volunteer, to do something more, something else….
You know her.
The person who seeks YOU out because YOU always help, say yes, take on the extra something else, do the thing “no one else will do it, let’s ask (YOU).”
She may look different, she may be many different people, but she is the person who knows YOU will be the people pleaser.
And you sip her poison. You drink the people pleasing poison because you have a big cup.
She is good at giving you the bigger cup!
She says things like, “no one can do this like you can” OR “I know you are busy, BUT….”
(HINT: IF you have a friend in your life who always can talk you INTO something: that is a sign she gives you a big cup, and you need to ask yourself if she is really a friend!)
YOU say yes, when you mean NO.
YOU go along when you want to run.
YOU laugh when you don’t think it is funny.
YOU do this because you want people to like you.
YOU want to be nice.
YOU don’t want to let anyone down.
YOU worry she will judge you.
YOU base your value of yourself according to what others think about you (or your PERCEIVED idea of what they may or may not think)
OR
Maybe it is your lover who does all the asking and YOU do all the doing.
YOU have sex when you don’t want to.
YOU go to the restaurant you don’t like.
YOU do all of the household chores.
YOU give and give and give.
YOU don’t want him upset.
YOU would never want to let him down.
What you may not realize is how dangerous the PEOPLE PLEASING POISON really is.
1. You can get physically ill. Over burdening yourself and your schedule can lead to adrenal fatigue. The levels of stress we all know can be harmful to your body.
2. You can miss out on YOUR life. Yes, by drinking the poison and doing for others first all the time, you have no time for you! (Learn how to say NO, lovingly)
3. You can become depressed, resentful, angry and all kinds of emotions that work against you having an EXTRAORDINARY life.
So switch out your cup for a thimble. Yes, you can still want to please people, I mean really we are women, we want happiness in the world right!?
1. Know YOUR limits. (trust yourself, you know YOU by now)
2. Listen to YOUR intuition. (she is your best friend)
3. Say “no” or rather, “I so appreciate you thinking of me (put her name here), but right now I am going to have to say NO I cannot (fill in the blank). Please ask me again in the future.—see not too hard. Key here is short. YOU don’t need to give all the reasons why…your laundry list of other stuff on your plate!
AND with your man.
4. Honey, I want to go to (fill in the blank, restaurant, movie)
5. Honey, I need (get into the habit of actually asking for what you need. AND say “I NEED”, remember a good man WANTS to give you what you want and need)
6. Honey, tonight I just want to cuddle.
Finally, it is okay to change your mind.
If you sign up for something and you KNOW it will tax you, stress you, ruin your sleep, make you feel bad about yourself because you “knew better than do x,y,z”—than gracefully exit the situation.
“Sally, I am so sorry, but I realize I am not able to give x,y,z the time it deserves I am going to have to —here is where you have options–find someone to replace you, give a time limit, exit now—-the point is find a way out that saves you face and allows you to eliminate the burden.
Let me know what YOU will do to put down your BIG CUP!
BE BOLD!
Mary
